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Sunday, April 26th, 2015
10:36 pm
Lately I've had a couple of vivid gal-pal dreams.

The first was about four nights ago when I dreamed that Emma Roberts took my job that I was recently fired from, and we were very close friends. She and her dad and I were frequently hanging around. She would half-heartedly do some of the things I used to do at work, and he would do handy-man type stuff.

Two nights ago I dreamed that I was shopping with my sister, I think we were at a place like Pier One. On our way in, we passed Fairuza Balk who I felt like I had a strong previous friendship with, but she acted like she didn't know me. I think she was mad about something that led to our lapse.

Later I became aware of some trouble in the parking lot and hurried out a side door to find her upset and getting into her parents' car. I think it was boyfriend problems.

This time she seemed very interested in me, but her parents really weren't too keen on us talking. Her dad seemed to tolerate me more, but her mom came around a bit too, enough for them to at least allow me to quickly give her my number.

Days later I was hanging around with a friend's wife while she was decorating a room in a kind of magic forest theme. There were drab colors, fake ivy on all the surfaces, and I think some sparse glitter. Fairuza got in touch and it turned out she happened to be decorating a room too and wanted to show me.

I wanted them both to see each others' rooms, and we were walking between locations (apparently they lived near each other) when I woke up.

Unrelated to the theme of those two, I just remembered last night I was in a Walmart type of store and after browsing around I came to an empty clothing section. It had a sign that said something about a disease. It was similar to "meirei".

Judging from the fact that the rack was completely empty of clothes, I deduced that the garments must have been considered contaminated and removed for public safety, but I didn't feel very assured by that.

I tried asking employees about it but they weren't willing to say anything. I got one to direct me to the store managers who were in a back office. They weren't pleased to me at all. They were very abrasive and wouldn't tell me much.

Later my whole family was all in one house. I think we might have been trying to quarantine ourselves. It seemed to be loosely based on the house I used to live in on 15th Street.

...I overslept after a few days of insomnia.

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Sunday, March 15th, 2015
7:09 pm
First, two recent dreams I neglected, then a fresh one.

I looked out my kitchen window, it was an eerily still night, no one was out until a pair of horsemen came down the street side-by-side. they turned out to be like grim reapers on the horses, skeletons in tattered robes. It was super spooky. They stopped first for a moment, and then hustled down the road past my house. Then another pair came along and did the same thing. For some reason I was able to reach out and steal a cookie from a saddle bag on the second pair.

The tail end of another dream involved unscrupulously penetrating someone with a very small, hairless vagina and there was an overwhelming odor of poo permeating the venue. Something bad seemed to have happened there.

Last night took place partly at the job I was just fired from (irl), but the shop was all wrong, with all different floor elevations, and two contractors I didn't know were there. On closer inspection they had animal noses, like raccoons. They admitted to being aliens. Later I was at the mall, but it was all wrong too. There a restaurant/lounge type of place and some lady there needed to pee. For some reason I had to help her to the bathroom. When I got there a lady I used to know from work yelled at me, so I ran, and then I stole a car and hid in a random stranger's apartment.

Someone knocking on the door woke me up from that one.

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Thursday, September 11th, 2014
3:14 am
I almost forgot!

Last night Dave and I went to this girl's house. Her little sister had locked herself out or something and couldn't seem to get the girl's attention. We pounded on the door and saw her on the couch. She let all three of us inside. We hung around for a while. I was very interested in her, but she was only interested in Dave. As usual. Just like real life.

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Wednesday, August 27th, 2014
7:46 pm
Lately I seem to have experienced an increase in dreams. I suspect it might be due to one of the prescriptions I recently started.

Last night I was at a place that's based on where I work, but not quite the real place. For some reason my cat was with me. I was paranoid she would get lost.

My boss showed up and fired a contract worker and he took immense, sadistic pleasure in it. There are broken memories of being in various locations around the workplace, but nothing I can put into sensible words.

Nothing bad happened to my cat.

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Tuesday, August 26th, 2014
4:49 pm
This morning I woke up from a short dream about an Eminem music video in which he played the role of a child molester. There was a small boy and computer animated semen.

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Tuesday, May 20th, 2014
4:46 pm
My outer space girlfriend dropped by Earth for a visit. While she was here, she nonchalantly let me discover the pile of 8 babies she gave birth to since the last time I had seen her. I made a point of not asking whose they were.

We kept trying to find a private place to mess around, but it never went well. It ended up at some place like a seldom used storage room at a school -- or something -- but I think we were even interrupted there.

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Sunday, July 28th, 2013
2:00 am
I was at Toys R Us again. What's up with that? If I hadn't been, probably none of this would have come back to me.

Again, I was closely examining an item. This time it was a small, ceramic or stoneware Jabba the Hutt figurine. It was paired with a separate throne platform, but both were attached to a cardboard hanger by two of those plastic threads that you always find attaching the cards to plush toys. I think there were at least two different sizes and/or styles and I was having trouble making up my mind about what I wanted to buy.

Suddenly, I was in a totally different place. I think I found myself in a car with some strangers. It was a lot like the scene when Neo was in the car with Trinity and company for the first time in The Matrix. They all seemed to have some very dire mission in mind. Eventually, I came to understand that it had something to do with a very clandestine order of ninja nuns or something. They were so skilled at invisibility that they would assassinate their victims in broad daylight without being detected. Let me give you the example that I witnessed.

One of the guys involved in this anti-ninja-nun group -- let's call him an "operative" -- was sneaking into a hideout of some kind. He was lightly armed, but using equipment that's at least a little too advanced to exist in the current real world. On his way down a long, gravel road in the middle of a very isolated field of weeds or crops, he suddenly fell to the ground and realized his arm was missing. Immediately he covered the wound with some kind of plastic bandage device. It was like a flexible "cap," and it tightened itself "into" the wound instantly. Before he withdrew his hand, though, the other arm also fell away. Somehow he managed to get a duplicate bandage on that wound as well. By that point he was on his back, trembling and wide-eyed, resigned to death. He couldn't see or hear his assailant, but he knew he was completely at her mercy.

Apparently the unseen assassin didn't intend to kill him. Maybe he was bait, or had some other significance. Then again, maybe she killed him after my scenario changed again.

This time, my point-of-view -- but not necessarily my actual presence -- was wandering slowly and quietly into the old house that was on the same field land. It looked like an ordinary, slightly neglected house from outside, but indoors it was much more contemporary. It was scantly decorated in a spartan Asian style, very upscale. As my view cautiously rounded a corner, I could see one of the assassins from behind. She was on her knees, wearing a kimono, I think, and sitting very close to a TV or something. She was staring at it very intently, totally motionless. I was surprised she hadn't heard me approaching, even though I was fairly sure I hadn't made a sound -- assuming I was really there at all. Then I wondered if she had a reason for just ignoring me, other than the fact that I was unquestionably no threat to her.

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Thursday, July 18th, 2013
9:35 pm
At a Toys 'R' Us, I was closely examining a surprising new Mega Bloks Dragons special edition set. It had a sleek new look to the included knight figures, and the set itself looked exactly like something from LEGO instead of Mega Brands. It was a large, very elaborate tree fortress made from hundreds of tiny brown pieces.

I was interrupted by a loud clamor near the checkout lanes where some girl had just failed to back flip -- or something. After falling flat on her back, she stood up and acted like she was fine, but her arms and face were covered in dark, bruise-like streaks as if she had severe blood poisoning. I offered to take to the ER, which she brushed off at first, but after I emphasized how terrible she looked, she reluctantly accepted.

On the way there, I don't think we spoke, and I ended up screwing around, running some kind of errands or something. Suddenly, it was much later and we were having dinner at a restaurant, I think.

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Saturday, September 15th, 2012
1:41 pm
It's been forever since I've remembered a dream. Two nights ago I can remember the fact that I dreamed *something* but I have no idea what. Last night, all I can recall is that I stumbled on my old Fisher Price castle playset. I was very surprised that I still had it and was excited to take pictures of it to show online.

It was one of those dreams where the anticipation of enjoying something you acquire turns into frustrating disappointment when you wake up and realize it was a lie.

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Tuesday, February 21st, 2012
8:30 pm
I was watching a low definition video, as if on Youtube, of this very surely looking dude stumbling around in one of the rear parking lots where I work. After he passed by the girl I have a crush on -- and her sister -- he turned and watched them walk away, paying particular attention to their rear ends. He then made a spanking gesture in the air with his hand. He may have said something lewd, too, because he got their attention. Crush girl turned around to approach him and shoved him or something.

Later, my crush's sister and her tag-along boyfriend were at my house watching a movie with me. In the movie, the lead actress used some magical ability to change all the women in the world into duplicates of herself, and changed all the men into duplicates of the dude she was in love with. The sister seemed to take the events of the movie as some kind of sign, and began behaving affectionately toward me as a response. She also began treating her boyfriend more like a little brother that she was obligated to babysit.

I would be really nervous if anything like this happened in real life.

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Sunday, November 20th, 2011
9:16 am
Last night was very peculiar. I woke up at about 4am, and then had trouble getting back to sleep. Once I began to dream, I was very conscious of it.

It wasn't just a lucid dream. I was so aware of the fact that I was dreaming, that when I opened my eyes (within the dream) I was in my darkened bedroom. Trying to move was an immense struggle, though. It was as if gravity had multiplied by several magnitudes. It was similar, but not exactly like the sleep paralysis that I'm so prone to.

Eventually I managed to roll myself over, and scooted to the edge of my bed where I could see my nightstand practically pressed against my cheek. From my very close perspective, the texture of the wood and the way the light reflected from it were very much the way it should appear if I were actually seeing the real thing.

In fact, I can't stress enough how vivid this was, but still how unlike it is to see things with your real eyes. There was a strange sense of disconnect, almost as if I were seeing through the eyes of someone else. My entire field of vision was just dramatically different somehow, but at the same time, the detail and realism of the space around me was extremely true to life. It was very unlike my dreams, which often appear faded, dim, hazy and narrow in scope; in which only the single subject of my focus has any real clarity or detail.

In my compromised state, I wondered if I might be experiencing the phenomenon that's referred to as an out-of-body experience. To test that, I concentrated all my effort to turn around and look to see if I could observe my own body from the outside. I didn't see my body at all, not even from the usual perspective you expect. My bed was empty.

On the off chance that it was still some kind of OBE, I concentrated on trying to move by something like astral projection; to levitate and transport to another location. I suppose all that concentration was too much, because that's what seemed to bring me all the way to waking consciousness.

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Wednesday, August 31st, 2011
9:57 pm
About a week ago, when I was very sick (and didn't feel at all up to typing) I had what I believe is a recurrent dream. Even though I'm pretty sure same dream occurred (or a nearly exact variation) I'm also pretty sure the previous installments vanished completely before I would have had a chance to remember them after I awoke.

Just like before, it took place on a very large ship, like a military battleship. What actually takes place isn't clear up until the point when it's time for me to haul the ship onto the land with my SUV. With dream physics in full effect, I chain the battleship to my Isuzu Trooper and drag it onto land without too much trouble, but then the momentum of the ship is too great to keep it under control. Soon, it's me and my SUV that are being dragged around as dead weight.

Because it must have seemed perfectly reasonable at the time, I climbed on the chain, up to the ship, and grabbed onto the bow of the ship, riding it like a motorcycle or something. Surprisingly enough, I'm able to guide the course of the ship by leaning, although it's very unwieldy and has a tendency to want to buckle or fish-tale. You might think that sounds like strange behavior for a battleship, but not this one, because this is the point where I realize the ship is actually inflatable.

As I'm clutching onto the bow of the battleship, I can feel that it's cushy and full of air. Still, it's very heavy and sliding at high speed down the main commercial strip of my home town. Eventually, I managed to careen it into the water of the very small river that runs all over town, and skim it across there for a while to avoid running over cars, buildings or pedestrians.

It would be nice if there were some reasonable resolution to all this, but no. That's when I wake up.

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Friday, July 29th, 2011
12:07 pm
Just a few days ago, I woke up from a very brief dream. I was at some place I didn't recognize, weed eating. A not-exactly attractive girl stepped out onto a porch and looked at me with a smile, as if she were interested in me. It wasn't long before her even less attractive friend stepped out, and I realized that's what she had in mind: a setup. This other girl lacked the self-confidence to make a move on me, which I was glad about because I didn't really want to reject her.

The moral is that even in my own dreams I don't meet a decent girl.

Today though, my co-worker mentioned he dreamed I was seeing some girl he didn't know. In his words, "she wasn't bangin', but she wasn't ugly either" ... "she wore glasses; kind of nerdy".

That's more like it.

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Monday, July 18th, 2011
9:13 pm
Peter Dinklage lived in an apartment complex where I was employed. He was having trouble with his shower not working properly, so I went to check it out. He lived upstairs, and to reach his apartment, it was necessary to cross a very precarious elevated walkway which fell away as I crossed. It was a very dramatic collapse, and I managed to leap to the other portion that was stable and continue across.

Inside, I arrived just as Dinklage was on his way out, so he left me to check things out on my own. I toyed with the shower for a few minutes, and ended up naked. It wasn't long before I realized he'd returned sooner than I expected. I peeked around the corner to see him sitting on his couch, and told him I'd be right out after I put my pants on, at which he chuckled with more than a hint of disconcert on his face.

Fully clothed, I explained to him that the knob was turning too far, and until it could be replaced, he should just twist it back a bit for the best water pressure. He just seemed grateful I had my pants on.

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Sunday, May 29th, 2011
11:19 am
My dream last night was a really melancholy documentary about some guy's dad and his decline as he was getting old and about to die. They told his life story, but I can't remember much of anything. The narrator's voice had this quality of being kind of short and casual, not like an expert voice talent at all. At the end, he was talking about a surgery his dad was going to have to remove the final parts of his brain that had any of "him" left.

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Tuesday, March 29th, 2011
1:42 pm
Lately I've been dreaming quite a lot, and many of them have been nightmarish. Not many have stuck in my mind enough to record anything coherent about them though. I can recall one about rattlesnakes, and another about an attempted theft of my car. Last night was packed with probably too much detail for me to flesh out here, but I can at least outline it for posterity.

For whatever reason, I received an iPad Touch as a gift from Mad Magazine writer and famous gadget guru Dick Debartolo, which promptly replaced my iPhone. While out at some mall, my old iPhone was stolen. Upon returning home, I set to work hoping to track it down online. As soon as I logged on, though, I realized my computer had been compromised. My desktop was commandeered and replaced with a video of some movie, the nature of which I took as some kind of suggestive criticism about myself. When I tried to work around it using my new iPad, it too was responding nonsensically in a similar way. With my options dwindling, I decided to involve the police.

After dialing 911, the voice on the phone just answered "hello?". I asked if it was the police. He replied, "yeah, this is Steve." Confused, I repeated his name as a question, "Steve?". Condescendingly, he taunted me, "What? Did I say something silly? I meant this is 'Officer' Steve". Then he chuckled and hung up on me.

This is the first time I've ever dreamt of anything like a hacker. Surprisingly, it was frightening enough to startle me awake. I'm glad I don't really have an iPhone.

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Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011
2:07 pm
Last night my super hot Asian wife gave birth to our first baby. Luckily, when I woke up, it turned out I wasn't actually a butthole G.I. after all.

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Saturday, February 26th, 2011
9:55 am
It's hard to say how things got started. It seems like I had been chasing a series of various individuals, as if part of a game show or something. The last one, at least, was briefly a car chase, but when I caught up to the guy, I realized he was racing to attack a nearby girl. She was black, and I think she was a combination of a stunning girl who works at a local sandwich shop, and another merely attractive girl I happened to see yesterday on "The Drs" (all of which I mention for my own reference).

Before he reached her, I tackled the guy and then I rapidly and forcefully punched his head until I was sure he was unresponsive. After that, the girl left with me, and suddenly it was as if we were on some of infiltration mission. We snuck into a fairly large, mostly vacant building.

It was an institutional kind of place, visibly very aged, as if it hadn't changed much since the 60s or so. Most of the exterior was all windows, and the interior had walls of glass between most rooms, too. The other walls were painted cinder block, mint green about halfway up, then white the rest of the way up -- all dingy, and chipped, especially in certain places at corners and on railing, revealing areas of the most human activity over the years. Most of the rooms were sparsely furnished with just a few items like you might find in a poorly equipped community college; a metal cabinet, some basic desks or tables -- that kind of thing.

We weren't in there long before we were noticed. Lots of soldiers or guards in vinyl uniforms with plastic riot armor and motorcycle helmets came from all directions. I'm pretty sure they were armed, but I'm not clear whether they had guns, or if they were just holding their fire, attempting to apprehend us instead of kill us.

The tables had turned, and I was the one being chased. It was very intense and I was doing things I'm not quite capable of in the waking world; leaping up to grab and pull myself onto ledges for a narrow escape; diving over handrails and using my momentum to swing myself down to safety on the stairs of a lower floor. It was almost parkour maneuvers.

The girl and I had been separated, but I worked my way back around to her and did what I could to wrench her away from a crowd of the guards who had her cornered. It wasn't long afterward that the anxiety of the situation woke me up.

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Monday, December 6th, 2010
6:50 pm
Whatever happened before didn't stick in my memory at all, but I clearly recall the moment I looked up to the roof of the movie theater. That's when I realized it would be a good chance to use my secret flying ability to get up on the roof. It took some concentration and a couple of tenuous tries, but I did manage to drift awkwardly up there. Only a brief moment passed before I was joined by this Asian kid I know who has a very noticeable birthmark on his eyebrow. I presumed he made up there on the crates and ladder-like pipes I noticed in a little alley nook on my way around the building, and I tried to play it off as if I'd climbed that same structure just before him, so as not to let on about my power. He didn't suspect a thing.

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Thursday, October 21st, 2010
5:38 pm
Sometimes I can remember the fact that I had a dream without any ability to consciously recall anything about it at all. Trying to actively remember it is just frustrating since I draw a complete blank. Every once in a while in those cases, something will happen that jogs my memory. Today I remembered a dream from about three nights ago.

There's not much to it, really. I was eating a large quantity of fried meat, with breading, not unlike KFC, but the taste was different. I liked it a lot, and kept eating happily despite my complete awareness that it was fried cat legs, which accounts for the unusual taste.

There was a point when I became aware of an actual KFC-like bucket with plenty more fried cat meat. I can't remember if I reached into the bucket, or if it fell over, or what happened exactly, but the fried torso and (still attached) head of a cat emerged from the bucket. The head had less breading on it, and mostly just looked a bit mangled, with remnants of patchy, tattered fur still intact.

The legless, wriggling cat body wasn't in the best of shape, having been Kentucky Fried and all, but it recognized my presence, and wiggled over to me, and rubbed its cheek against me affectionately, as much as it was still able. It was a rather horrifying, gruesome scene that churned my stomach, thinking about the fact that I might very likely have eaten its legs only moments earlier.

Of course, it was unsettling enough for that alone to wake me up.

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